Pressure

Today I am swamped with trying to get the everyday things done, clean up after two Mother's Day celebrations, yesterday, and getting things ready for my women's group, tomorrow night. It is our end of the year installation dinner where your's truly will be installed as their new president. Should they be alarmed? Well, only if flying by the seat of their pants scares them. Flying at high speeds, by the seat of my pants, in control and freak out mode are how I attack things. Basically, I am great under pressure!!

In my ever changing moods, I have come to the realization that I am a multi-tasking, control freak, non-delegating machine. And, oddly, this makes me happy. I seem to gain more and more energy with each passing year. I know that I fuel up on coffee, a lot, during the day, but this energy comes from, inside. Caffeine is my great friend to get me through the day but I truly am a controlling maniac.

Looking back, I think I have always had these tendencies. I don't like to rely on the help of other people. I like to attack the job at hand and like a dog with a bone, I am not happy until I have seen every detail to the end. I plan soirees like this, I plan dinners like this, I complete tasks like this and I push the cheerleader like this. I like to take it all on and leave nothing for any committee members to even help with.

It's not that I think I am the best at what is being done. Well, not totally, but I like to plan the details of projects and then I execute each detail. People will offer to help or even try to force me to hand over some of the responsibility but I can't. I need to know that my vision is being carried out, that it is being done the way I want it and then I want to see the results of my vision. If I try to explain how I want it done or how I want it to look, I get so flustered that I just want to do it, myself.

I am very determined and remember this being a breaking point for my mother in my nursery school/early elementary days. She would get so exasperated when I wouldn't go to bed until every dress/shoe/outfit was in place in my Barbie Townhouse closet. When I dressed my Barbie, she had to match. I remember being very nervous about a certain pair of gold lame Barbie wedges that I lost. I wouldn't let Barbie wear her gold lame shift dress if I couldn't find her shoes. When I went to nursery school, a few days later, my teacher was holding the tiny shoes in the palm of her hand to return to me. I felt a calmness come over me and all was right in my world. I am like that with my own clothes and outfits. I know if something is off with something in my closet or if I don't remember seeing a certain dress, etc. hanging in my closet. I cannot rest until I am assured that all of my clothing, shoes and bags are all happy and accounted for.

Planning a party is just as obsessive. I plan themes down to the last detail. I begin planning the decor, the food, the signature drink of the evening, my outfit, the music, the movie that will be shown on the tvs, in each room, on mute. But, the movie must coincide with said theme and carefully planned music. I totally missed my calling and should have been a party planning/wardrobe consulting/personel shopper dynamo!!

So, today, I am in all of my glory. Pulling out my hair over the right color scheme for tomorrow night. The most fun playlist to burn on cds for gift bags. It had to be the perfect combo of perfect summer songs. I needed to find the right color of candles to be strategically arranged among the perfectly planned flowers in just the right vases with matching colored water to correspond to each flower color. I have a theme that I want to run throughout the evening and I wanted that theme to be ever present. And, of course, what nutcase of soiree planning wouldn't be wearing a dress to tie it all in??

I am working at a fast pace, juggling everything that comes my way, today. I am a controlling blur of energy that is happiest when I am under pressure.