Changes

Change...not a word or action that comes easy for me. It has always been a hard concept for me to grasp. Even when I was young, anything that came about that was new or different used to just send me over the edge with worry, fear, an all over uneasy feeling.

In my ever changing moods, I know that change happens and it happens quite frequently. And, I am fine once the change actually happens and takes place. It is the leading up to said change that drives me batty. Change makes my mood very unsettled.

Mr. Man likes to say that the best and worst part of everything is the anticipation. I hope I have that right. He has to say it to me over and over, sometimes. Mr. Man is the kind of person who really doesn't mind change. He takes the leap, jumps right in, takes a chance, all of that daring and fun stuff. I am the one standing there crippled with analyzing the upcoming change.

When I was young, it used to be about sleepovers. I liked being invited, I had a ton of fun when I got there, but it was anticipating the change of routine and going to a different, unfamiliar house, that would bring on a nervous stomach, tears and sometimes even backing out, completely. But, once I got over that hurdle and arrived at the sleepover, I forgot why I was so scared in the first place.

In my teens, I think I must have put away this fear of change because everything I did was spur of the moment, jump and don't look twice, run wild and be free.

Now, I am back to liking the status quo and fearing the change. Vacation planning tends to do this to me, too. If Mr. Man announces plans to go away for 10 days or 2 days, I start the whole process of dreading the planning/getting ready stage. I like arriving at wherever our destination is but getting there is the whole battle for me. I over think, I over plan, I over pack...I am an over thinking vacation planner and it drives him up a wall and me into a frenzy until I am seated on a jet plane with cocktail in hand.

I used to like spur of the moment, caution to the wind kinds of things. I still like them, I just don't like anticipating them.

This mood started as I was trying to arrange shirt orders for a womens group I am in. I am the vice president and all of a sudden, my mind began to race ahead two months. In May, I will be inducted as the president of this group. Me....in charge...do they know me?????? I mean, once I am in the swing of things, I give it my all. But, here we go again, it's a big change and I am big freaked out.

How will these women view me as a president? Some of them are so official with their date books, agendas, PDAs....I pull out cocktail napkins and write my meeting notes on them. I hardly think I will look very official with a bunch of cocktail napkins scrawled with notes while I am conducting a meeting. Plus, I am not a person who seems anything like an organized, in charge, president should be. I am the anti-president...the cocktail napkin note taking, scatter brained, party planning president. I am sure those qualities will come in handy when we start talking serious president stuff. See...what does a president of a group even talk about? As vice-president, you can sit and look very in the know. That safety net will be long gone in May.

So, right now, in my ever changing moods, I am trying to teach an old dog, new tricks. I am committed to accepting change, taking charge and marching on. I might be marching on while waving a cocktail napkin but hey, if I can master the fear of change in becoming president of my group, they can master the fear of change that is their new president.

Bring on the change!! I anticipate an interesting term as president!