Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Ghost In You

Today, I am about to embark on a new chapter in my life. If all goes well, I will be on the brink of starting something that is all about me, designed by me, and the next step to fill this new niche of my new journey.

In my ever changing moods, I feel like the person inside of me is stepping out and looking at me from outside of my body. I have spent years as a full time, stay at home mom with hobbies but now I am being given an opportunity to begin something that is totally on my own. J and the cheerleader are very excited and I hope that when I next blog, it will be all good news with my new plans.

Have a great day, keep love in your heart and a song in your head...and never stop looking at the person within!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I Am Woman

I have decided that at no other time in my life have I been more excited to be a woman. I know this sounds weird because I have been a woman for all of my life. I have loved every minute of every single day of being a girl and a woman. But, for some reason, I have hit a time in my life when I actually just beam with pride at being a woman and at the women surrounding me.

In my ever changing moods, I feel stronger and more confident, now, than in any other time of my life. And, I am surrounded by so many strong and fearless women that it only fuels me to want to continue to move full steam ahead.

In my world of women, I have come to respect, so many. One group that I am very impressed with is a group that I joined after I started to blog. They are a group called, SITS, and we are women bloggers helping women bloggers. I have never witnessed such a large group of women all in support of helping women. All for the same write really great blogs. Yesterday, one of the daily topics was about things that make a great blog. The majority answered, writing a blog that is in your own voice, true to your own thoughts and writing for yourself. Write about your passion or write about your life. Well, if you have been following me, you know that my rambling thoughts and searching for my new chapter in life is my passion. I smiled that I have covered those bases.

You also know that I am embarking on a presidency position for my women's group. I have been busy, this week, meeting with the committee chairs of each committee. I am getting to know these women on a whole new level. I love how we are connecting senior members of the group with deep roots in the past and newer members who have new visions and everyone is on board with the new journey. There has been nothing but an embracing of new and different and what I hope are successful paths.

As a group of women, we reach out and help women in our community. I have put a community service project in motion with another organization based on helping women and the response was so excited and overjoyed that we were reaching out to them.

I belong to a private message board of women. These women are another example of women coming together in support, friendship and love. It is amazing to see such interaction, on a daily basis, and have that interaction be filled with love, support, kindness and encouragement.

In my community, in this very uncertain economy, we have so many new businesses opening in the small downtown area. All backed by women! Not to mention the already established businesses that are backed by women.

It gives me chills and such pride to know that women, as a whole, are all out there, in all kinds of different aspects, helping women succeed. And, with all of this support, it is making it easier for me to find the courage to start down my own path of carving out my next step in life. I am not exactly sure which road I will follow but so far, word of mouth and support are driving me forward.

So, in a sense, this truly has seemed like the year of the woman. I do believe that we can do anything that we want. And, it makes it so much easier to work in circles that support you...I know that not all groups of women work well, together, but in my circles, I can proudly say that women are making their mark!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Camel Walk

It's Saturday, yes, you already know this because I am blogging my socks off about it...but, since it IS Saturday, you know I like to share what I have been reading, listening to, watching over the week...

I continue on my BEE marathon of re-visits. I am now getting ready to begin, The Informers, by Bret Easton Ellis. It is one that didn't hold my attention the first time around but then, I tend not to enjoy the form of short stories all interacting. It's just me and the way my brain works. Anyway, I think that I may enjoy it, more, this second time.

There was a movie and a rockumentary that I watched with J, this week. The movie is so hysterically funny. Well, it may not be humor for everyone's liking but we found it extremely funny. It's a great ensemble cast, some of the best lines, and fun music. It's on older movie but so fun!

The rockumentary was, The Festival Express. Great documentary about a rock tour that took place in Canada. The great music icons of the day, in 1970, all boarded a train as they toured Canada and stopped and played concerts in various cities. To watch it, now, brings chills. The youthful musicians all together, jamming, partying, tuning into each other's music and jam sessions. You see a young Janis, just months before her death. You see a young Jerry and to watch him and hear him, brings a tear to your eye. It was a time when their youthful ideals were still in play along with their music but it was also a time that was on the cusp of change. These musicians were some of the greatest, still are, always will be.

And, watching the movie, Flirting With Disaster, brought back my love for the band, Southern Culture On The Skids. Camel Walk was featured in the movie and it made me dig out our cd and I want to download it to my Ipod. We used to listen to them back in the mid-late 90s. It brings back memories of a couple of our good friends, our good times and a really bizarre road trip we took for a weekend down in Key West.


It is Saturday and the week just sort of went by so quickly in a haze of heat and humidity!! The beginning of the week had me on a roll and I was organized and on top of my game. Wednesday seemed to hit and it was hot and my brain seemed to wilt in the heat. By Thursday, I had forgotten most everything I needed to remember, it felt like everything I was doing was in slow motion and the part of me that should have cared about the state of my mind, just didn't.

In my ever changing moods, I ended up just writing Wednesday and Thursday off as my mindless days. Nothing went right, things were forgotten, my thought processes were in a fog and I just stood around not able to control any of it. So, I just let it all fall. I just shrugged my shoulders and let the fog stick around and then it seemed to lift. The really odd part is that a lot of my friends were saying the same thing about those same two days. I think the planets were out to get some of us and we all decided to just do the same thing. Nothing. It came, it went, we survived.

While I was in my fog, on Wednesday, I also had a ton of errands to run. It was hot, the crazy people were all over the roads, there were screaming kids and screaming moms at the grocery, I forgot a large portion of items I should have been picking up, I had a pounding headache and decided the best thing for me to do would be to just end it, make my purchases, go home and regroup.

On the drive out to Maggie's Farm, I pass a house that I pass, everyday. It sits right on the main road and I always glance over at their farm. While I was driving, I spotted a lemonade stand. One of those great, old fashioned kind of constructed lemonade stands. It had a big sign advertising the drink and it's price. I haven't seen a make-shift, kid run lemonade stand in ages. Maybe because I live in the sticks and the only customers, out here, would be cows and horses.

Just as I was ready to go through the intersection by that house, a big truck of farm equipment pulled out in front of the traffic, causing all of us to slam on our brakes and then wait for him as he couldn't quite make the turn. I was immediately annoyed but then I caught another glimpse of the lemonade stand. As I sat in traffic, I noticed the little girl who was running the lemonade stand. She was jumping in the air, doing cartwheels, doing somersaults and some sort of dance moves. As I watched her do crazy cartwheels, my mood lifted. She was so carefree and nothing was on her mind except enjoying the day and selling some lemonade. Her hair was blowing, she was barefoot and just happy to do her cartwheels.

As the traffic was able to move, again, and we all continued our drives, my spirit had been lifted, immensely, by this young girl and her crazy, carefree cartwheels. As I made my way home, I wondered at what point we all stopped doing cartwheels? Life would be so much more fun if we all just stopped and did something crazy like a cartwheel. I wanted to go back to the lemonade stand and tell the girl that I admired her carefree spirit. But, the next day when I drove past, the stand and the girl were no longer there. In a way, it was like she was just there, on that given time of day, to make me smile.

Friday On My Mind

My week continued out of my fog related state and I found my way to Friday. As you all know, I love Friday. It is my favorite day of the week. I think it goes back to when I was young and it brought the end of the school week and the anticipation of a weekend of nothing but fun. I always think of Friday as being the day that brings the promise of fun.

In my ever changing moods, Fridays seem to evolve with each of my stages of life. When I was in high school, it still meant the end of the school week but it also meant Friday night games, it meant marching at Friday football games, anticipating weekend parties, plans with friends, hopeful for a date or the elusive phone call you hoped for from a crush. All good fun.

In college, once again, Friday brought the total freedom from a week of classes, tests, projects, lectures. My sorority sisters and I would practically sprint back to our rooms, change clothes and race down the hill to our little college town where the evening awaited us. Back then, it was a town of little college bars and restaurants. Most of us had cash in hand from our weekly mail from our parents and were ready to have fun. Errr, we were ready to spend our money, wisely, yes, on the necessary things. Shhhhhh, just in case this gets back to my mother. Anyway, what fun we had on Friday nights. I still remember, in order, the little bars that were our destinations. We always hit them in the same order and always ended up back where we started. We would then make that trip, back up the hill, either to our rooms or to a house party. Then, on Saturday mornings, we would all pile on each other's bed and talk about our Friday night adventures.

My years as a flight attendant, out of college, were a hit or miss on Fridays because as a junior flight attendant, I usually held weekend schedules. If I worked it right, though, I tried to grab the LAX-JFK all night flights. We got to the city at 6am and had a day and a half in the city. Good times on weekends when those trips happened.

When J and I were married and in the years before the cheerleader, our house became party central on Friday nights. It would just continue to fill up with friends. Before you knew it, the music was blaring, people would be dancing all over the living room, the entire patio would be opened up with more dancing, one of our friends would always be hard at work in our kitchen, cooking food. We would end up with stragglers spending the night in both guest rooms. Fun times!

When the cheerleader hit toddler years and we had moved to a beach community. We were in a neighborhood of all kids and frazzled moms. So, what is a girl to do but start a neighborhood Friday Happy Hour. The kids would all run and play and have snacks while the moms would all partake in one of my yummy blender drink creations.

When we moved to Maggie's Farm, I friended, L, who is still my good friend. Back then, our kids were just in first grade and Fridays meant a bunch of us and our kids would either gather at her pool for an all day pool party or go out on a boat loaded with kids, water toys and crazy moms cranking, The Babys, up as our soundtrack and stashing our lipgloss so it wouldn't get wet. No matter where we spent the Friday, the kids all had fun, we all brought snacks and drinks for the kids and the moms all enjoyed our now classic summer drink of choice, Pink Lemonades.

Yesterday, after years of not having these Friday kind of days, L re-instated the Friday pool party. It was quiet since the kids are all either grown or are too old to want to hang with us. As the years have gone by, lives have changed and our friendship cirlces have changed but then, sitting by the pool, yesterday, enjoying my Pink Lemonade cocktail, it as like the old saying...the more things change, the more they stay the same (I think that is how it goes) and it couldn't have been more true. We are at different stages in life, different paths are being taken and we have different friends but the constant that remains is my friendship with L and the Friday Pool Day...the Friday saga continues!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Mama Tried

Today has been a very good day in the lives of the cheerleader and moi. Today is when I finally saw that my words and guidance and wisdom may really be sinking in, after all!!! Today was the day that the cheerleader actually admitted, in front of her friends, that I just may know what I am talking about from time to time.

In my ever changing moods, no words have ever sounded sweeter! It has been my goal, since the day of her birth, to guide, mold, shape her. Things were going swell until we hit the 13 year milestone. It's been a rollercoaster of hit and miss since then. As most teens, she tends to think that J and I are from another planet or that our wisdom comes from the land of the lame. She makes comments that make me think she doesn't even know my age since she refers to my teen years as the 1950s. I usually tell her what I think she should do or try to guide her to see what I am trying to get her to see but she fights it the whole time. She is a strong willed girl. And, lately, I have decided to start standing in silence. Bite my tongue and let her figure things out on her own. It is hard for this controlling mama but it's better than driving myself insane.

I don't even know what started today's conversation. I had fixed breakfast for her and her best friends and they were all sitting around the table talking. The topic may have been about hair. I think. Anyway, I heard the cheerleader address me and command me that from now on, when she is about to make a big decision, I am to stand in her face and make her reconsider. Luckily, this decision was about something trivial like to highlight or not to highlight. She said that even if she gets an attitude, I am to refuse all money or other perk that she is about to receive and make her change her mind. She actually ASKED me why I quit voicing my opinion!!?? I told her that I was tired of going round and round over things that were not that monumental. I told her I was trying to make her make her own decisions, make choices and live with them. She said, well, I want you to TELL me when I am about to make a stupid move!!!! I have never felt so proud.

My cheerleader is growing up and the more she grows, the more she realizes how much I have tried to get her to see the happy medium, the good balance in life. I hope she continues to want me to interject my opinions and I hope that in one side of her brain, she continues to process my knowledge. It's been a good day at Maggie's Farm, a good day, indeed....

Monday, July 19, 2010

And She Was

Once upon a time, a girl lived in a tropical paradise and had a cleaning girl, a lawn service, a handy man and animal control at her fingertips. Then she crash landed on Maggie's Farm. And she was without any of them.

In my ever changing moods, moving to Maggie's Farm taught me the ways of country living and it didn't involve a lot of outside help. Actually, when I tried to call around for a lawn service, leaf removal service and animal control, I got the same reply...Don't you live in the country? You don't need a service if you live in the country. You have fields. Ummmm...okay? I am still not sure what that means but what it meant for my new life as Hostess With The Mostess was that my life had changed. I was no longer just mixing cocktails. I needed to get with the country life program.

Before any of you ask about J and his role in country living. He does a lot of work, here. But, his business has long hours and he sometimes is not here until dusk and out of here at the crack of dawn. I am not a woman who sits and waits for her husband to get the jobs done. I do the jobs!! I am the job master! Somedays, I even amaze, myself. I challenge any of you to find a dead animal in your yard, grab a shovel and head off for the nearest field. It's not as glam as it sounds.

I find that the older I get, the stronger I seem to become. And I know no fear. I am up on ladders while I operate hedge trimmers on very high bushes and trees. I hang from ladders and spoutings to determine why they are not draining. This usually finds me grabbing a million nuts and acorns out due to the squirrel population that lives in our yard. I paint, I stain, I dig halfway to China just to remove old bushes, roots and trees. I mow, I weed eat, I weed by hand. I am in constant motion, outside. The cheerleader now finds herself with yard jobs. She has not yet embraced the love for all of it but I am hoping that someday, she will be able to pick up a rake and know what it's for when she is on her own.

I fix things, inside, too. If I don't know exactly what to do, I sit and figure it all out. It may take me a few days but after I obsess, I get the job done.

I like to think of myself as a do-it-all kind of girl. Who else can go through the bread baking process and it's different rises all the while being outside running lawn equipment? Who can Facebook while she stains? Who can plan a soiree while mowing and singing to her Ipod?

Over the years, we have found outside help to do some of these jobs but they usually don't live up to my controlling eye. So, when I think about paying these people for a so-so job, I would rather take on the job and know it's getting done, right. Perfection? Yes. I am a controlling perfectionist but I tweak the meaning a bit. J would totally disagree. He would say that I am a whirling, chaotic cyclone. My way of doing things may drive a sane person bonkers, but it's my way. And, I always get my job done to my liking.

In my ever changing moods, I find that the more jobs I take on, the happier I am. Who knows what's next for me but I plan on finding my next frontier to conquer. I just need a bit of time to formulate my plan. After all, I am not just a cocktail drinking, texting, Facebooking, goat caretaking, fashion fiend of a girl. Although, I do like my work clothes to match my flipflops and garden gloves..

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Black Coffee In Bed

It's Saturday and it has been a definite week from, well, you know where...anyway, it's the weekend, the weather is sunny and I am headed out to spend time in the yard. I hope you all have a great and fun weekend!!

This week found me listening to my vintage Squeeze that I downloaded to my Ipod. I still have my first Squeeze album purchased in the early 80s...

I am still in my re-visiting of BEE stage of reading and have started this book..

I recorded this from PBS, back in May, and still need to find the time to sit and watch and enjoy....

And, of course, I am totally enjoying one of my favorite songs from the above mentioned album....

Friday, July 16, 2010

We Are Family

A couple of weeks ago, our friends, B and Je, were here to see Furthur with us and to stay the night. Je and I had a lot of time to chat and she was telling me about a program she has become very active with. She is working to bring family tv night back into homes. The kind of viewing that brings you and your family, together, on a Friday night. The kind of viewing that is suitable for all age groups to view. B and Je have much younger kids than the cheerleader. After they left, it really made me think back to when the cheerleader was young and how we used to drop everything and all watch Friday night television, together.

In my ever changing moods, these are some of my favorite memories. The cheerleader would get her bath, I would make popcorn, J would be running through the door and we would all converge in the cheerleader's room. She had a television and her room was so cute and cozy. Friday nights, we just shut everything else out and the three of us made our own oasis in her room. For some reason, and she and I are still not clear on this, but Friday nights meant that she wanted to make her "fun" bed. This meant getting our her Barbie sleeping bag and pillows and make a comfy bed on her long closet floor. She would open all of the closet doors, get comfy and watch television with us. I don't really even remember the shows or the movies. I just remember the fun times. Yes, we were watching on a small screen when we had a much bigger screen in the family room but it was so nice to feel like we were in our own world.

It makes me even happier that she remembers Friday nights. Now that she is older, we don't all snuggle in front of the tv with feel good viewing. She is not home or we are at a game watching her cheer. Just knowing that the memories we made are a part of her makes me happy.

So, since it is a Friday, and it's summer and the livin' is easy, I want to encourage all of you to think about your family time. Do you have young kids, still? Do you have tweens? Even teens? Why not make Friday night your family night? Je is really on to something and it makes me happy to see someone else carrying out the Friday night movie ritual. Go make memories with your kids!

Tonight, this is what is on for family's on NBC so it couldn't be easier to find...

It may even transport your own memories back to your childhood when family summer movie nights meant packing up and heading to the local drive-in. Remember how fun those family nights were?

*FYI...I am not selling or promoting...I simply am stating what a great idea I think this is...

Shiny Happy People

Yesterday was such a great day with lots of smiles and lots of happy people that I spent time with. The sun was shining and I felt like just skipping around with a huge smile on my face.

In my ever changing moods, yesterday, I was finally feeling back to normal! It was an awesome hair day, I had a cute outfit on and I was wearing a smile that said, I'm a winner! (Over inflated ego, anyone?)

The day started with errands and as I was driving, I noticed that my bangs could use a quick trim so at my first stop, I quickly called my hair salon to see if my girl could squeeze me in while the cheerleader was there getting her hair done. They didn't think so and that was okay. It was last minute. But, when I went in to pay for the cheerleader's hair, my girl told me to come on sweet!! We chatted, she shaped up my bangs, she didn't even charge me and I was skipping to my next stop.

I had to stop at our local grocery to grab a few items. As soon as I walked down the first aisle, I spot an old friend from elementary school days. We had our girls at the same little private school and she and I spent many a night at the dance studio sipping coffee. Our girls became friends in first grade and now they are seniors in high school!! They both cheer, they both do livestock for 4H, but yet, my pal, Ja, and I never seem to have the time to visit, anymore. When our private school shut down, our kids went off to different public schools and now that our kids drive, we are no longer at the dance studio, together. We talked and laughed until we cried at the grocery. Then, another friend from the elementary school came into the store. It was like reunion week!! We all chatted, blocked the aisle, got a lot of stares, laughed and then I noticed that I was going to be late for my coffee date. I bid a fond farewell, we made promises to lunch, together, soon, and I was on my way.

Next stop...local coffee house. Always, always excellent service. My bff, Ji, was already waiting. Surprise...I was late from yammering on in the grocery. I grabbed a coffee and settled in on one of the sofas for a nice long chat. Ji and I met when I moved to Maggie's Farm, 10 years ago. When we get together, we never stop talking. An hour and a half whizzed by and I was amazed. It felt like only 15 minutes. We each have an only child. We each have a girl only. Her daughter is a year older than the cheerleader. Ji is like my big sister that I get to follow around and take notes for each coming year. Right now, I am frantically taking college notes as she is getting ready to send her only off to college in a matter of weeks. Our daughters are very similar in personality so we are able to laugh at their nonsense, beam with pride, share in their misery, and applaud their accomplishments. It was a great visit!

I raced from the coffee house because I had to go pick J up from work. Somehow, we were in a car shuffle and it was going to be easier for me to pick him up instead of trying to figure out how to not have too many cars where he was. Anyway, he offered to take me out for drinks and dinner! On a Thursday! Up until now, our lives have been busy with shuttling the cheerleader around, etc. But, now that she is mobile, well, we don't see her much or when we do see her, it's with her group of friends. We have quit trying to plan nightly family dinners. It's just the two of us and we took advantage of the freedom that we are beginning to realize. We went to a sports pub in the town where J has a business. We listened to great music, enjoyed a drink and had dinner. When we got home, my day just felt like it had been smiling, all day, on me.

I waited up for the cheerleader to get home by curfew and when she was safely home, I fell into a deep and content was a great day made better by spending the time with special people...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Soak Up The Sun

Today is a busy one and I just came home to refuel with a bit of lunch and an iced cold tea. It is HOT, outside!! It is one of those muggy, heat filled days of summer. When I was getting ready to leave, earlier, I was drying my hair and getting ready to straighten it to face the humidity. I noticed the ends are looking a bit dry and I was glad that a hair appointment is in my near future. While I was inspecting my hair, I started thinking how much of a toll this summer weather does to a mid-ish 40's girl's hair. Then it made me stop and think of all of the summers I spent growing up and how I really was never that concerned about my summer hair care regime.

In my ever changing moods, when did summer hair get so complicated? Or, when did I become so obsessed with it? There is a big difference in the really young me and the still youngish me. I used to say...bring on the sun!! Soak up the sun was my mantra. I wanted the sun to bleach out my hair to the lightest levels of blonde, each summer. What a difference a few 20-30 years makes.

When I was really young, I could have cared less about the state of my hair. It was longish, parted down the center, dirty blonde. We belonged to a swim club and being a child of the 70s, like most children, got packed up, each day, to spend the day at the pool. I remember my mother telling my father that it would be the best investment ever. Translated, once we unpacked our towels and things, she ventured off to find her female cronies and all of the kids fended for themselves. Nobody watched us swim or looked out for our safety. I think I was 5 or 6 years old and my brother was two years younger than me. My mother would lock him in at the kiddie pool, find her friends and I would meet up with my young galpals. On our own. Jumping into water. I don't think there were swimmies or arm floats and any floating device was prohibited. Basically, you learned really young to tread water, hold your breath and know the dead man's float. Our parents were not going to sit by the pool to watch us. Neither were the lifeguards. They were the older kids all scamming on other older kids. The young set fended for themselves. Anyway...back to my hair.

I would spend hours in chlorine. Then, after finally getting my mother to understand my phobia of the public bathing house at the swim club, she agreed to let me go home and shower. But, once home, I would jump on my bike and head out til dusk. I would shower right before bed. 10 hours of chlorine being soaked up by my hair. My hair never looked so good, each summer. Shimmery, shiny, that chlorine was great!

Fast forward a few years to later teen life. We no longer went to the swim club so my pals and I would scam out pools to hang at. I remember that we read in one of our magazines that lemon juice would totally bleach out your hair to the summer blondest of blonde. Okay...forget the lemonade, we needed lemons for our hair!! Another article told us to comb HYDROGEN PEROXIDE through our hair. ????? Okay, we knew no fear. I am not even going into the Sun-In summer. So, some of us emerged with platinum blonde hair (I am sure that my memory is being kind to me. In my mind, I am thinking we were the hottest chicks ever to walk the summer planet, in reality, I am sure not.) Anyway, my hair stayed in perfect condition!

So, why when I decide that it is time to protect my hair, my scalp, my 6 weeks of color, the ends, do I end up needing at least three products for smoothing and an anti-humidity hair spray? When did the hair tables all turn on me? I mean, I really like my hair. Yes, I am vain. And, it isn't a brillo pad or a fire hazard but how did I go from soaking up the sun with my hair to hiding it under a ball cap?

These were just the thoughts and memories that flashed by when I was inspecting the ends of my hair. Don't get me started on my sun spots.

Planet Claire

Well, it should say, Planet Pamela, but whatever the name of the planet, my planet seems back on track in it's orbit. The cosmos took pity on me and obviously worked on things, while I was sleeping.

In my ever changing moods, I am happy to be back to my happy, organized planet. Time to pick up the pace, move it along, sing, dance and drink cocktails.

I have no idea what happened but I was moving around in my body while my head and mood were from some unknown. I forgot things, I dropped the ball on a number of things, I was a complete crab and if anyone even looked at me like they were going to question any of my mistakes, I was ready to bring on the waterworks. And did.

So, I woke up a new person! I know that my family even took pity on me when I fell asleep while reading a book, last night, and when I woke up, the table was set for a late dinner, the bed was turned down and they were both being extra nice to me. I was able to crawl into my big, comfy bed and sleep my way back to my planet.

Today is sunny, hot, I have a million things to do and a million places to be but I will be there with a smile on my face!!!

She's back..and just in the nick of time!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Far Away Eyes

I am having a week!!! Not a day, not a morning, not an hour where things all go wrong. No, so far, it's been all week for me. It's irritating and no matter how hard I try to really focus and concentrate and make sure I am back on the track to my normal self, one more thing goes wrong or doesn't pan out quite how I would like.

In my ever changing moods, my cosmic planets are all jumbled up and need to re-align so that I can jump back on my usually well organized, do most things right, non-emotional planet that I usually live on.

My head is in a hazy fog, for some reason. My thoughts are jumbled, I have forgotten most of everything that I wanted to get done or needed to get done. I felt myself just throwing my hands in the air, yesterday, and when that happens, the more I try to accomplish, the less I actually do accomplish. It was one of those days where you aren't sure what is going to help. Going back to bed and calling a do-over? Start drinking at noon? Tune out the world around you and unplugging phones and shutting down cells? Don't leave the house? I had all of these emotions. Truthfully, I should have picked the drinking at noon. At least my mood would have been giddy.

This happens maybe once or twice a year. I never know when it's going to hit since I never know when the cosmos are going to have it out for me. I go along, happy go lucky, doing all of the mom and wife things that I do. I go to bed, everything is normal, I wake up and I know that something is off. The Planet of Pamela has collided with The Planet of Poo. I can't stop it, I just have to let the poo take over. If I fight it, it gets more frustrating. So, I take baby steps. I applaud the things that I did accomplish. I applaud the fact that the irritating public didn't get knitting needles in their eyes, I applaud the fact that my grocery store stalker didn't get a karate chop when he commented to me in the grocery, I applaud the fact that all of the speed racer drivers didn't get a not so nice hand gesture from me. I just work on small tasks and leave the really big tasks that I had planned. I try not to let things people say hit me in an emotional way. Believe me, I know it's Planet Pamela that has the problem. I know it's all me. Just stay back so I don't have to pull out a stun a way.

I am trying to ignore the fact that I now have three additional cats mysteriously living under my front porch. I am trying to ignore the fact that the laundry room is mocking me and my iron is spitting water at me. I am trying to ignore any comedic remarks made by J. I am trying to ignore the fact that the only time I am seeing the cheerleader is either when she is sleeping or in need of money. I am ignoring my failed attempts at all things domestic. I am ignoring a lot of things, this week.

In the past when my cosmic planets have collided, I have found that the best defense is no defense. I just have to keep letting them all spin out of control. When they are done, I will know it, my mood will know it, my house will know it and my family will know it.

For now, I find that if I just stare off into space, with far away eyes and thoughts, I can just avoid a lot of conflict. I have a favorite housewife on one of my favorite shows, Real Housewives Of New York. She is Sonja Morgan and I have adopted one of her quotes from the show...Move away from the situation, diffuse the situation. I should play this to anyone trying to approach me, this week. For their benefit as well as mine...So, if you see me with that far away look in my eyes, you will know just to hand me my coffee or wine and step away...nobody will get hurt.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Career Opportunities

Today is the day that the cheerleader is hitting the pavement, resumes in hand, to try to find that elusive summer/part time job. She does a bit of babysitting but that is so sporadic and J and I have decided that she is now ready to discover how to conduct herself in the interviewing process and how to become accountable to an actual boss and work environment. If a small summer job continues into a small job for the school year, even better. It's time for the little bird to test her wings, a little more, now.

In my ever changing moods, a job all during my teen years was a must. Times were different and if you wanted a car, gas money, spending money, well, you earned it. All of it. I know that I had to. I worked many a mall job. During college, I worked at the local mall, I interned at the local hospital in some no paying PR internship, I interned for a paying internship at the local newspaper, I worked in a pub. I had many retail jobs. In my case, my parents were divorced, my mother was getting back on her feet, my father, ummmm, MIA. So, to fuel my life and quest for fashion, I worked.

The cheerleader is not in this situation. She is very involved all of the school year with cheering, National Honor Society, various organizations, student government, helping at her dance studio and getting good grades. J and I are able to provide, very nicely, for her. But, it is now time for her to learn the basics of life. All we want is for her to have the structure of a part time job, know what it feels like to actually earn a paycheck and then learn how she would like to spend this money. We want her to learn how to budget her money and to see how to decide what is really important to purchase or do with that money. We don't want her out there working 40 hours while going to school. I would like her to find at least a little 8 to 10 hour job. To develop a work ethic, to learn how to be a model employee, to communicate with customers and learn great customer service. We want our very well rounded cheerleader to come full circle and add a part time job to her well rounded list of activities.

When I was growing up, there were a few girls who never had to get a part time job. They were never given chores around their house. At my younger age, I worshipped them and thought they had it made. They never had to work during college or solve anything on their own. I did not have that luxury and usually had to take care of all things, on my own. Guess what? The girls who were never made to do anything in their teen years are still floundering in their adult years. I want the cheerleader to learn to balance fun time with work time.

So, today, she is out looking for her first career opportunity...get ready world.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Follow Me

It's Sunday...why is there a blog post from me on a Sunday? Well, I just wanted to let all of you know that very soon, I am going to start a sister blog to My Ever Changing Moods. So there will still be My Ever Changing Moods and then there will be a companion. Keep watching for it. I hope it will be trippy and fun and the romp that I am visualizing in my head.

In My Ever Changing Moods, I am expanding and conquering new avenues in my life and the sister blog is going to follow one of those areas. In a cool way. I hope. It will have it's own fan page on Facebook, too. I hope you all will continue your great support on that fan page, as well!

So, have a great Sunday and when the sister blog is ready, I will post the link. I hope you all will follow me as I mesh the two. Double the fun, double the love.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Shakespeare's Sister

It's Saturday!! Wow, I have packed a whole lot of fun into one week's time. Two concerts, out of town friends, lots of dancin' and romancin' with the sounds of The Grateful Dead. I am happy to have a free weekend of nothing. Well, we are going to dinner at my friend, L's house, as a farewell dinner for our friend, BC, as he heads back home.

Since it is Saturday, it's time to check in on what I am reading, watching, and listening to.

As you all know, this is my Bret Easton Ellis summer, aka, My BEE summer. So, I am now re-visiting his second book, The Rules Of Attraction. I remember reading and sharing the only copy we had of this book with 3 other roomies, at the time. We would sit up into the dark hours just discussing it.

Since I am reading this book, it has thrown me, once again, into an 80s frenzy of music. The Smiths were a backdrop soundtrack to quite a few of our summers in the 80s. The band with the sounds of angst. Afterall, we all went through our brooding college student phases. The Smiths provided the perfect sound for that phase in our lives. I still have my first Smiths album. Listen to some of their's haunting.

I am currently addicted to this cooking show on The Cooking Channel. The new foodie upstart from The Food Network. I had grown so tired of my once favorite Food Network and The Cooking Channel has rekindled my love of cooking shows. Real cooking shows. Even cooking shows from the past. This show cracks me up. I record it everyday and then watch as I am preparing dinner. It is a total look back into the late 60s and is definitely over the top with both the host and his food but I LOVE it. I love the fashions of the time and the whole sexy vibe he throws off with his cooking. Graham Kerr...check him out.

I leave you with a song by, The Smiths....enjoy your Saturday and go out and find something to read, watch and listen to!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Stop Your Sobbing

I am not sobbing but I did wake up in one of those blue moods. Not even blue. Maybe more of a magenta mood. A mood that is a mix of levels of irritation, moodiness, bad attitude. One of those moods that creeps up, for no reason, and plants itself on top of your head and continues to just melt down, all over you. That is the mood that I woke up in, this morning.

In my ever changing moods, I rarely, rarely am in a mood. I mean, I get moments of irritation like anyone else. I have a second of getting mad over something, occassionally, but for the most part, I am on the road of peppy, good mood, rock and roll it, deal and continue moving forward. When I have this rare mood that plants itself on me, I don't know what else to do except to let it pass through me. Eventually, I get so sick of myself and my snarliness that I snap out of it. I just quit the whole whining, woe is me, don't make me cry mood. I hope I reach that point very soon, today. I am already over myself.

To make the mood even worse, is to have someone in the house, let's just say, J, comment on my mood. I KNOW that I have a mood going but for some reason, to have someone point it out makes it a hundred times worse. It brings on the defensive, snarky comments that I let swirl inside my head and then that just makes me want to get all teary and pathetic. I smile and try to insist that I most definitely am NOT in a mood. While on the inside, I am seething that anyone dare point my mood out to me.

Basically, I am not a happy camper, today, on a day where I am about to venture out into the public. Beware innocent people of the community. A crazy woman is about to emerge. It is not a day to get on my last nerve. It is not a day to make any stupid moves. Eventually, I will diffuse and I will be able to step back into my happy shoes. But this process has to be in my own time. It has to gradually drift away and bring my sunny side back. Until then, I am keeping my interaction with the world to a minimum.

This is the kind of mood that needs no reason for being here. Nothing happened, I have nothing wrong or gone wrong, life is peachy at Maggie's Farm and I love everyone around me. I just knew as soon as my feet hit the floor, this morning, that the magenta mood was here. There is no use in even trying to pretend that it's not here. It is, I will deal, I will tire of my own whining, I will kick myself in the arse and then all will be right in my world, again.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I Want My MTV

Today, J wanted me to sit and figure out our new mini digital video camera. He needed one of the videos burned to a dvd and I need to figure out how to compress and upload videos to share. Tech stuff makes my eyes glaze over. I used to have a big fear of all things techie. I have come a long way in combatting that fear. Hey, I am making progress with the facing my fear of baking and fear of technology. If I give myself a long enough period of time, I always figure this stuff out. Would it be easier if I read a manual? Yes. Would it be easier if I didn't try to jump right to the middle of the process? Yes. But, for some reason, my brain shuts down the minute I have to open a written manual. The words start to swim, my brain gets bored and I begin planning my next signature cocktail for my next soiree. (Aka a hootenanny, according to our old friend, BC)

In my ever changing moods, too much information and too much techie stuff makes me long for a simpler time. A time when MTV had just hit the airwaves and all we had to worry about was finding a house with the very high tech cable tv. Gone are the days of close and play record players, tape recorders, landline phones and movie cameras that used film for the family home movies. I remember the large movie screen that would be pulled out for family movie night of the million reels of film footage from 1964 to whatever the present time was that we were still using the movie screen. I miss press and play machines. I miss sitting at a stereo and timing every song, perfectly, for mix tapes. I miss mix party tapes. I remember taking a computer class in college and I think I dropped it because I didn't understand it. At all. I was sure that computers were only set up for the ultimate geekdom of fun. I was a journalism minor and our electric typewriters worked just fine. I remember the one year our department got the first computer installed. We all just stood around it and stared. Nobody knew what to do with it. Our prof was even a bit confused. It sat and collected dust, that year.

I know that all of the advances in technology make our lives easier but sometimes, the information overload is too much for my head. I mean, we are a family that likes their electronics and yes, I would be lost without my cell phone, Ipod, netbook and PC but at the same time, it is fun to once and a while let my mind drift back to the first simple days of MTV. The days when it was all music, all day. There were no reality shows and it was fun to see which VJ was hosting that day. Now, they have TJs..I miss the founding VJs. I miss Martha Quinn.

I do seem to plow through and get the tech stuff figured out but it would just be so nice, for one day, to revisit the feel of a rotary phone, to not be connected to everyone in the universe, to only have three networks to choose from on tv and instead of downloading songs on Itunes, sit in front of a stereo with a cassette deck and make a good old fashioned mix tape. Kids, today, will never know the coolness of the mixed tape.

I did burn the dvd that J wanted and I think I have figured out the new camera but now I have an obsession with tracking down my old Polaroid that spit out instant pictures. Now that was high tech back in the day...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hazy Shade Of Winter

In my hazy shade of recovering from Friday's concert, I didn't do my usual post on Saturday of what I am reading, listening to, watching.

The title of this post should actually be...The Summer I Revisted All That Is Bret Easton Ellis. It all started with re-reading, Lunar Park and then reading his newest, Imperial Bedrooms. Both books really started my quest to revisit his first book, Less Than Zero. That is what I spent my past week reading. A step back to 1983 (when it was written, it didn't debut until 1985) and a step back to my old stomping grounds (I moved to Los Angeles in 1987) and a revisit with the characters that I couldn't get out of my mind when the book debuted in 1985. So, I decided to go back to the beginning and start reading his books, all again, in order. I have to admit that I will be skipping, American Psycho. It was a great book but so disturbing. I think I will leave Patrick Bateman where he belongs.

It was great fun to go back and read, Less Than Zero, all these years, later. The first time I read it, I was the same age as the characters in the book. Reading it then, was great. Reading it, again, now, was even better. The darkness is better understood, the people, the places. Having lived in the same city, I felt like I was taking a trip down each drive of each street, lived in the same places, listened to the same music. It is fun to look back at the person I was in that time frame. It is odd to read of a time with no cell phones, video arcades ruled, parents were totally in the background, kids played cassettes in thier car stereo and listened to and purchased albums. Tab was the drink of choice, for soft drinks. The book was a sign of the times, at the time. It visited the dark times of the disillusioned youth of the time.

This was the original cover of the book...if you read it or are going to read it, you will understand the sunglasses.

And then there is the movie. I embrace the movie as just a movie. I do not embrace it as a movie about the book. It was nothing like the book. In 1987, in Westwood, at a movie theatre, I sat totally disappointed in the much anticipated movie.

Revisting the book made me pull out my cd from the movie soundtrack. It's a good and yet confusing soundtrack. The song choices are good but on a few of the songs, I personally feel that they could have/should have stuck with the originals. Anyway, my favorite song on the soundtrack is the title of this blog post. It sums up a lot of the book/movie and it makes me remember driving the same streets, in Los Angeles, in the late night hours.

I Will Remember You

When I last left you, I was headed to see the FURTHUR show!! Look how long it has taken me to recover?? Gone are the days of going to a concert and bouncing back in a matter of hours. That doesn't stop me from joining in the fun, though. And, it wasn't just the concert but then we went straight into the holiday weekend, J and I took one of his cars to a car show on the 4th and now that the cheerleader has settled into summer life, Hotel California has been going strong with no vacancies and around the clock room service.

In my ever changing moods, it seems like right when I think things are not going to be as busy and crazy as summers past, they get crazier. It's all good, it just doesn't give me a lot of down time to get my head and inner thoughts, together. But, then, maybe that's a good thing. My inner thoughts tend to ramble.

The concert was awesome and we shared it with some great friends! B is one of our oldest friends. It is always great when we all have time to get together. Usually, he and his wife, Je, are here for one of our winter holiday parties. It is always so crazy and the house is always filled with people and music and I am flying around being the hostess with the mostess that it's hard to just sit and chat. So, it was nice when they were able to arrive at our house, early, on Friday, to get settled in and sit and chat over coffee and vino. I spent the time catching up with Je and tales of their kids and their life. They started even later than J and I started with having a family so they are in the younger stages with their kids. It was nice to be the mom who has already gone through those years and I hope that I give good advice and am convincing when I tell them that this too shall pass. Once we were all on the way to the concert, it was a great time to just kick back and laugh about old times.

Friends from your youth are the best kind of friends to keep. They have known you through some of your best and worst times and still love you. Bonds are shared that are not shared with new friends. We can laugh at so many fun times that we all have had and we can remember all of the same people, places and parties.

B and Je spent the night and we were able to chat, again, over coffee and fruit, before they had to hit the road. When old friends leave, again, there is always a tiny sense of sadness that they are not always around. Then, a sense of gladness takes place and you are happy for the time spent together.

This week finds us ready to tackle another concert. This is Dark Star Orchestra and they are a Grateful Dead cover band. We see them a couple of times a year. For this concert, we have another dear friend in town from our youth. It will be fun to hang with Willie (nickname) and dance to the music. We will join yet another friend from our youth, A, who now is seeing my dear friend,'s like Old Friends Week!! I love it!!

Growing up with J and all of these guys was always entertaining, back in the day. Who knew that we would all grow up and stay so close? Even with the distance that seperates many of us, we all know that we can revisit and feel like we are home, again, in their company. They all helped to shape my youth, make me remember the good times and put a smile on my face and in my heart.

Old friends truly never leave you...

Friday, July 2, 2010

They Love Each Other

Today is Furthur!! We have been looking forward to this for a few months. It is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, high temps. will be in the 70s and there is no humidity!! No humidity is always a plus for me because that means a good hair day for all the dancing and twirling that I plan to do. Believe me, I have been to Grateful Dead shows, Dark Star shows, Ratdog....and if it's humid and then it's combined with non-stop dancing and twirling, I could end up with large hair. Not good. Anyway, now that I have rated the day according to how my hair will cooperate, what could go wrong??

Today is also the day I change Mr. Man's nickname into, J. He has said that Mr. Man is so boring for him and since I tend to use initials or nicknames in this blog, I am just going with, J, for him.

In my ever changing moods, J and I are so excited to see this show. Our love of music is equal. We may not like all of the same bands or genres but we do agree on our love of The Grateful Dead, our never ending love of Jerry and the music that never stopped. One of my many loves for J is his vast knowledge of love of music. Tonight should be a great night, under the stars, with great friends and my great love! The perfect start to the holiday weekend!

So, it's time to get on the bus and go Furthur!! Have a great holiday weekend, be safe, be happy, love life and each other!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Me, Myself and I

I am trying to get back to my daily blogging after being interrupted for the past couple of days. Now that the family is back from their vacation and the cheerleader is home from camp, summer has officially started. Like most moms, this means that transition time for me that happens when you go from a quiet house with nobody home, all day, to having kids in and out and mornings of blasting music from the cheerleader's room and extra people to feed and extra everything. I had to get my summer groove on and now I can get back to blogging.

With the summer prep, came a day of errand running and appointments, yesterday. It was a nice day so I left in my convertible, Elle Woods, had my Ipod cued and ready to play my entire Elvis Costello playlist. (Yes, I have decided that this is the summer of re-reading all Bret Easton Ellis, so Elvis Costello continues to play in my mind.) But, what started out to be a sunny and happy day quickly turned into the most annoying day of my life. Each step of my journey became even more annoying.

In my ever changing moods, I continued to encounter what I am now calling the downfall of society. I blogged about this a few months ago but yesterday really took the cake. I don't know when the world, or a large chunk of the world, decided to downslide but it has happened. And I wish it would change. My friend, D, said, this morning, that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. She is so right.

I think that the biggest problem is that everyone seems to have an over inflated ego. I call this the Me, Myself and I syndrome. It's just bad behavior, bad attitude, bad hygiene, bad language skills and really, really bad social skills and customer service.

I was just thinking the other day that there are a few local places that I frequent and I never go anywhere else. One of them is a local coffee house and the other is a local coffee/bistro place. I stay loyal to them both for their great coffee and food but the other reason is for their OUTSTANDING treatment of customers. I appreciate that. I appreciate that when I walk through their doors, I am going to get a warm welcome, friendly banter and great service. I would pay a million times over just for great customer service. More businesses should come to these places and take lessons.

In the course of my day, yesterday, I encountered the rudest receptionist ever known to mankind. I had an appointment with a doctor I had never seen before. I was referred by my regular doctor and just based on the receptionist, I will travel 100 miles out of my way if I ever have to see this type of specialist, again. The receptionist made the appointment so awful that I will never go back. Her nasty tone, her rudeness, her awful attitude.

During my drive there and back, in my fun convertible, I encountered so many people not using turn signals, driving too slow, driving too fast and on top of me, blasting horns, swerving left and right of center, turning in front of people. So, now we have to watch out for all of these rude drivers because by gosh, they are just going to drive however they feel like driving and it's your problem, not their problem.

I had to make a stop at the drycleaner where we spend a small fortune, each month. The afternoon girl, not the owner, must have been bored and decided she would go ahead and ready the place for closing. A half hour before closing. I just had a drop off but if someone had come in for a pick up, they were out of luck since she had cleaned out the cash drawer and did the daily money count and shut everything down. I looked at the clock and mentioned that she was closing early. That got me a big eye roll and sigh. She asked if next week would be good for the cleaning. Um, no...I am a preferred customer that gets next day service. More sighing and wadding up of my clothes. Nice.

One more stop at the store found people operating grocery carts much like the left of center drivers. They crash into you, cut in front of you, and basically just get mad if you are in the aisle. One lady was chewing gum and cracking and popping it so loud that it made me cringe. A lot of people looked and smelled like they had no shower. For days. One person continued to pass me in the aisle and let out loud belches. The cell phone talkers were out, too, talking about everything under the sun while they shopped and their kids ran rampant in the store. The express lane found the person with 100 items and claiming not to have seen the express sign. All the while, butchering the English language to the point of sounding like they had never set foot in a language class. Is proper grammar gone, too?

Yesterday, I really noticed how so many people just do not care, anymore. They bring their private conversations to the public, they scratch, belch and expel gas in public, they drive like nobody else is on the road, they operate a business on their own time frame and they all treat people like we just do not matter. It's me, myself and I all the time.

More people need to visit my fav local establishments to see how to act and treat people with wonderful customer service skills. They have to start somewhere and I have no idea where to start them on the rest of their rude behavior...